Bleed me Dry
by mascaratearz
Summary: Serious Danny angst. Final chapter... mush...
1. The Darkness

* * *

He stared at the wall beside him, wishing there was nothing expected of him today – wishing there wasn't an office full of co-workers needing him to be on his best, that there wasn't a young girl lost on the cold streets needing him to find her. His wishes fell among the bed sheets, lost and meaningless – he prayed he could make it through another day, prayed that the darkness could be held at bay until he left the office.

He sat up, dangling his legs over the bed as he let routine take over. Within an hour he was showered, dressed and grabbing his keys ready to head out the door, the mask applied and the professional Danny Taylor ready to face his peers.

* * *

Danny was known for being early, always in the office either working through a pile of paperwork or chasing up leads for a current case before the others came in. Looking up to the whiteboard he let out a heavy sigh. Ella Simmonds, 18, last seen at an English Lit lecture yesterday afternoon and all they had to go on was a pile of her journals which were pointing to suicide or runaway he concluded.

He read through her writings feeling a strong connection to the girl they were searching for, she wrote of the weight that tugged at her stomach, the darkness that haunted her like a heavy fog and the fight she faced every day to maintain her composure on the outside. Poring through the scratched words he looked for a clue as to where she would go – just one word would suffice his searching, he needed to find her, he needed to save her because he couldn't save himself…

* * *

"Morning," Jack's rough voice roused Danny from deep thought. He glanced up at the man he had worked with for years and tightened his lips into a half hearted smile of recognition.

"Hey," he answered, "Any news?" he questioned nodding his head toward the board.

Jack didn't answer, his eyes speaking for him, face held firm in the way that had been learned from years of hard cases and tragedies. It was getting harder for him to think optimistically – to hold onto the hope they would find her alive when realistically he knew chances were slim.

"What have you got there?" he asked Danny.

"Her journals," he said sadly. "I'm thinking if we don't find her soon, she is going to kill herself…" his voice trailed off, and he looked right into Jacks eyes. "I need to find her Jack," he said quietly, almost betraying the pain in his voice. "I've gotta find this one," he repeated.

Jack looked at his agent wondering why he was so attached to this girl but reasoned that Danny connected with all the young ones – he just hoped that this case wouldn't hit him too hard. Jack was worried about Danny, none of the competent agent's actions fuelled the worry but it was a gut feeling Jack wasn't comfortable with dismissing yet. He pushed the thoughts from his mind, "All we can do is our best," he replied before heading for coffee and some time to think over the case in his office.

* * *

Samantha, Martin and Vivian were all ready for another day's work by 7.30am, and the office buzzed with energy and earnest. They all noticed Danny hunched over his desk, eyes scanning the pages of what looked like scrapbooks but no one picked up something was wrong – they rarely did. In fact despite the years of working together they didn't know much about him at all – just that he was a damn good officer and that his private life was kept to himself.

Jack emerged from his office and began the briefing – ideas storming around the room but Danny remained quiet until Jack mentioned the journals.

"I haven't found anything hinting to her whereabouts yet," he stated, "but I do know that she is severely depressed and suicidal."

"Right," Jack again took control before his phone interrupted him. "Malone," he answered…

The rest of the office continued going over the facts, Danny offering insight into the emotional and mental state of Ella, Sam reporting that she barely used her phone - only to call her parents and Vivian relaying the conversation she had with the Lecturer the day before.

Nothing stood out except for the fact that this young lady was hurting, a feeling that Danny could identify with.

"Looks like we got lucky with this one," Jack interrupted. "She's been sighted on top of the Bellmond building. Now we need to tread carefully, from what we know she is close to the edge and in this instance, the fall is twenty-nine stories."

The team nodded, all quietly preparing themselves mentally for what they might have to deal with, suicide is never pretty and too often was part of the job.

* * *

Danny rode with Martin, the silence between the two co-workers full of apprehension. Martin looked across at Danny noticing for the first time the bags under his eyes, the stubble adorning his face and the white knuckled hold his hands had on each other.

"You ok?" he asked tentatively.

"Fine," Danny answered not looking up from whatever his gaze had fallen upon.

Martin decided not to press the issue; they both had to concentrate on getting this girl home safely.

* * *

Once they had arrived at the scene, it was Danny who was up top first - Jack, Martin and Sam not far behind in the elevator. When he reached the top, breath short, he took a minute to compose himself before stepping out onto the roof. When he did, he immediately saw the lone figure, legs over the edge, hands wrapped around her shoulders.

"Ella?" he called out, trying not to startle her. There was no response so he continued, "Ella, I'm Danny Taylor from the F.B.I we've been looking for you; you've had a lot of people worried."

"Yeah!" she replied sarcastically, "I can see that happening…"

"Look at me," he urged. "I want to help you – it doesn't have to be like this."

She looked toward him, but death had clouded her vision, she had no intention of listening to the stranger making promises she knew he couldn't keep. Behind him she saw other offices, standing back so as not to make her feel threatened – she knew their motives, they just didn't want someone's blood on their hands, they didn't care at all about her– she was just another case to them…

Her thoughts were interrupted by Danny who at this stage was gradually edging closer toward her; he reached out his hand willing her to take it, but she glared at it as if it was diseased.

"I read your diaries Ella, I know how you feel…"

"Don't even bother," she began. "You don't have a clue what it's like…"

At that moment he wanted to embrace her, to tell her that he did – tell her how he lay in bed awake at night wondering what the point was….there were so many deep dark secrets he wanted to share with her, to convince her he knew what it was like but he faltered… the words didn't come and he instead relied on his training, telling her that it would be ok, things could get better and that he'd help her. He told her she had so much to live for, that there was a purpose out there for her – he told her but she never listened.

Ella Simmonds, blew Danny a kiss as she stood on the cement ledge. In slow motion she held her arms up like wings and fell backwards as Danny ran forward to grab her... he was too late, she was gone and he had failed her. He slumped against the ledge, clutching his head in his hands trying to block out the thoughts that plagued his mind.

* * *

The aftermath was surreal, Danny barely recognised Jack crouching in front of him, hand on his shoulder.

"We can't save them all Danny…" he broke off, startled at the look in Danny's eyes, a look of pain so intense he didn't know how to react. "Why don't you go home, it's been a rough morning?"

"I'm fine Jack," he got up slowly and hesitated. "Meet you at the office."

* * *

The rest of the day passed by slowly, a new face on the whiteboard replaced Ella's and the group of F.B.I agents worked as hard as they could to find the man in his mid 30's. Danny had been assigned to telephone records and he did his job well but often found his mind wandering to other places, the misery grabbing a firmer hold of his mind.

As the hours grew later, Danny's mood grew fouler, the anguish from the day added to his own inner turmoil growing out of control. Before leaving, he found himself in the bathroom punching into the brick wall with his fist repeatedly, bruises forming on his clenched knuckles.

"Danny!" Martin had entered the room, shocked to find the scene before him.

"I... was trying to show it who was boss," he joked lamely, attempting to dismiss the fact that he had beaten his fist till it was bloody.

Martin didn't know what to say, but he didn't have a chance to say anything as it turned out. Danny bid him good night before brushing past him, avoiding Martin's look of concern.

* * *

Danny walked for ages, along the streets where his face was lost amongst the crowd – just another lost soul looking for a way home. His mind overflowed with the vision of a lone figure standing on top of a multi-storey building, hair whipping around her face in the wind, her eyes darkened with the pain she couldn't escape, her face pale and cold as stone, her heart broken. For a fleeting moment, the girls face faded away and it was his own, his body the one standing on the ledge looking over and praying for the strength to take the last step…

Subconsciously Danny had made his way to the entrance of a trashy bar but he paused reasoning with himself… when he drank he not only abused himself but those around him too - his friends and workmates. All he wanted to do was punish himself. He didn't want to wake up in a pool of his own vomit and go to work the next day in a state that would prevent him from doing his job properly. No… all he wanted was to feel, to know that it was real. He wanted to punish himself for his sins… his unforgivable sins.

* * *

Jack sat in his homely office brooding, about the girl and about Danny. There was something not quite right about his agent's reaction… his composure for the rest of the day. There was something deeper at play Jack decided. He sat there, eyes closed, his fingers rubbing temples until he sensed a presence at the door…

"For god's sake," he muttered, "just knock!"

"Sorry, I err… have you seen Danny?" Marin said hurriedly, a look of worry set upon his face.

"No, why do you ask?"

"It might've been nothing…"

"What?"

"I saw him just before in the bathroom bashing the shit out of his fists, he pushed past me before I could say anything."

"Doesn't sound like nothing…" Jack replied taking the information in with a deep sigh. He had been right – something deeper was definitely at play.

* * *

He found his car and drove to the apartment he called home, opened the door and slammed it behind him. Still, he kept up his quiet reserve, hanging up his coat, taking off his shoes and socks and heading for the shower.

He let the steaming water pour over his body as he leant against the shower wall, eyes closed, his frame sinking to the tiled floor. All remnants of his façade dissipated with the running water, as he sat there, clutching his head with hands. The migraine he constantly suffered intensified until he reached breaking point and before he knew it, he was reaching for his razor. Danny extracted the blade from within, and began twirling it within his fingers, mesmerised by the shiny metallic object. In slow motion he bought the cold metal to the flesh on his arm and pressed down as hard as he could, crimson pouring from the quickly forming wounds. He felt a release he hadn't felt in so long, the pain didn't measure up to his emotional anguish but it helped. For hours he sat there, watching himself flow down the drain until he began to feel faint. He let the blood flow as he got out of the shower, made his way to his bed and collapsed upon it.

* * *

The migraine hadn't gone when he surfaced from his stupor bought on by blood loss and fatigue.

Danny sat up slowly, his vision blurry, feeling the throbbing of his fist, and the pain from the wounds on his arm. He looked down to find blood covering the sheets, his arm traced with deep gashes and instead of regret he found comfort in the wounds.

8.30 - he swore, suddenly realising that he had no hope of getting to work on time, especially in his present state. He remembered Martin catching him in the bathroom, the memory triggering a grimace as he predicted an uncomfortable day at the office.

Danny found himself staring at his reflection in the mirror – his eyes puffy and bloodshot, dark shadows beneath them betraying the struggle within. He reached out to touch the mirror, but pulled away and instead slammed his fist through it in anger and disgust at what he saw… The reflective glass shattered showering his body hunched over the sink with the fragments, he didn't move.

* * *

Normally Jack wouldn't worry about an officer being late but this morning was different. He was concerned, debating whether or not to call Danny, especially after what Martin witnessed the other night. Finally he justified, Danny was late for work, he was his boss and therefore there was no reason he couldn't call his agent checking up on his whereabouts. He picked up his cell with resignation.

"Danny, Jack here."

"Morning Jack, sorry I'm late…. Stuck in traffic," Danny blurted while still staring at his broken reflection in the mirror… glass all around him, sharp enough to cut through flesh….

Jack could tell he wasn't even in his car - a trained ear distinguished the sounds of a tap dripping, the echo… Danny was still at his apartment.

"That's fine," he replied, "Just be sure to see me in my office as soon as you come in," the phone clicked off.

* * *

Danny decided he wasn't going in to the office, he wasn't going to see Jack, he wasn't going to face the others today – he didn't have the strength.

He dressed quickly, pulling a lose shirt on, of a dark colour to hide the still weeping wounds – he needed to go to a drug store he reasoned before grabbing his keys and heading out into the cold city.

* * *

"Where's Danny today?" Vivian asked Jack.

An hour and a half had passed since Jacks conversation with Danny and Jack was edgy.

"I don't know… I'll give him another call"

He held the phone to his ear, willing Danny to pick it up but no answer came. He looked up at Viv and their eyes met.

"We'll give him another half hour," Vivian nodded in agreement.

"What's up?" Sam interrupted.

"Danny… you didn't seem him after work yesterday did you?" Jack asked.

"No," she shook her head slowly, wondering what was going on... "I was amazed by his reaction or lack of to the Simmonds case," she continued, echoing what everyone had already been thinking.

"I know," Jack sighed deeply.

* * *

He knew he wasn't thinking straight, he knew he was acting on impulse but quite frankly he didn't care anymore. He walked into the drugstore as if it were a lolly shop as he casually went through the shelves picking up supplies. He dumped a pile of bandages, ointment and men's razors on the counter and asked for the strongest over the counter painkillers he could get. The lady on the other side of the counter raised her eyebrows at him curious as to why he would need such a supply of first aid products.

"What's all this for?" she inquired while swiping through the man's bankcard.

"Oh, you know this and that," he replied flashing her a look that was easily recognisable as mind your own business.

He waltzed out of the store, goods under his arm, got in his car and drove, following the flow of traffic, letting his thoughts envelop him once more. His cell phone vibrated and rang on the passenger seat beside him but he ignored it, barely recognising it ringing.

Danny Taylor sat in his car, hands shaking on the steering wheel, eyes distractedly darting across the road wondering where he could go.

* * *

Martin glanced up at the whiteboard distractedly – he couldn't imagine where or what Danny was up to and he wasn't sure he wanted to - scared of the outcome.

Jack had issued the Missing Person's Unit their new case, Danny Taylor and the office resonated with a height of eagerness and desperation it hadn't reached before.

Sam and Martin had gone to their workmates … the victim's apartment and been shocked to discover the bathroom mirror broken, the glass scattered all over the sink and the floor. What's more, Danny's bed was covered in blood which forensics had already confirmed was Agent Taylor's.

"Hey, I think I've got something," Sam piped up from behind her desk. The team rushed over as she continued.

"His bank records show a purchase at the drugstore on Milgrove Ave., $47 at 12:07pm today."

"Right you and Martin go check it out, hopefully the store keeps a record of their sales, also ask the workers if they noticed anything unusual about Dan... err the Vic." Jack stumbled. By telling himself the current victim was someone he didn't know, that he didn't have a long standing relationship with he could allow his judgement and instinct to remain unclouded… he hoped.

* * *

They flashed their badges confidently as they reached the drug store counter neither agent giving away the unease they felt.

"Excuse me, I'm Agent Martin Fitzgerald and this is my partner Agent Samantha Spade would you mind if we asked you some questions about a customer you had in here earlier today?"

"Sure, go ahead," the lady answered.

Sam held up a picture of her co-worker Danny hoping the lady would recognise his face - his dark brown hair and eyes, the grin that graced his face… the way his eyes lit up when he was onto something or someone….

"Have you seen this man?" she asked directly.

"Uh yeah, he came in about lunch time. He was a bit strange if you ask me," the lady answered truthfully.

"How so?" Martin butted in.

"He seemed troubled, had a strange look in his eyes… didn't look like he'd slept in weeks."

Martin thought back to the last time he had seen Danny, his fist bloody and his face contorted in a painful grimace, the image not one that he treasured.

"Would there be any chance you remembered what he bought?" Samantha questioned, her arms crossed and a frown crossing her brow.

"I only remember because it was so strange, he came to the counter with an armful of bandages, ointment… there was something else too" she murmured. "Just a second, I'll check the records."

As the lady behind the counter typed the time 12:07, into her register looking for Danny's purchase, Sam and Martin cast each other a worried look… it did not sound good at all.

"Oh that's right, he got shaving razors and some pain killers."

"Thank you so much for your help," Sam distractedly said before turning away to Martin who was already out the door.

* * *

"Malone," Jack answered the phone to hear Martin's voice on the other end.

"Ok, see you back here in a few minutes," he hung up, walked over to the white board and added to the time line:

_12:07: Milgrove Drugstore -. Buys bandages, razors, ointment and painkillers. Visibly troubled…_

Vivian read the words, urging the panic she felt coursing through her veins to die down so she could focus. Danny was a good friend to Viv, although she didn't know much about the man. He was always there offering a kind word, a smile… a shoulder; she questioned whether she had offered the same support to him.

* * *

"Ok so we know that he's injured," Sam announced as she stormed through the office doors, "maybe he's been bashed – mugged?" she suggested.

"Yeah, he wouldn't be fighting back with his fists in that condition," Martin thought aloud.

"What do you mean his fist?" inquired Viv.

"Oh," Martin looked away. "I caught him in the toilet hammering his fist into the wall… it was pretty bloody," he added feeling regret at not having followed him to see if he was ok.

"I don't..." Jack began.

All eyes turned to their superior, Jack who until then hadn't uttered a word, his eyes focused on the faces of his agents, thinking it through, processing the facts. Danny's phone records were barely existent apart from the few calls he made to the office and he had no family except for a brother inside - all they knew was what they saw of him everyday on the job. After his display last night and the trip to the drugstore today, Jack's thoughts were very grim, but why would he buy bandages and shavers if he intended to kill himself? It didn't seem to add up but he knew the sooner they found him, the better.

"I don't think we're talking about foul play," Jack stated. "I think we're after a desperate man encountering a breakdown."

* * *

Danny had pulled off the highway and was making his way down a near deserted road. Seeing what appeared to be a dam and picnic area up ahead he slowed his car to a stop, watching as the sun began to sink behind the rise… another day ending.

He stayed within the confines of his vehicle, the smell of leather tainted by the sweetness of his own blood in the air. He looked toward his purchase from earlier that day and with haste tipped the packet upside down, shaking the contents onto the seat next to him. Rolling up his sleeves he looked to his arm and realised the gashes probably needed stitches, he took this realisation in with a grain of salt.

A lone acoustic guitar picked out a haunting melody, cocking his head Danny gazed at the car stereo. He wanted to immerse himself within the music, it described how he felt with so much power, more than words ever could.

It was with a hint of regret that he picked up the razor again – he wondered what his friends at Missing Persons were doing. It hadn't occurred to him they were looking for him, he didn't deem himself as top priority and never had.

After throwing a few painkillers down his throat he returned to his act of punishment – bringing the blade across his flesh, moving from his arms to his torso, his wrists, and chest… any area of bare skin he found fell victim, the bandages forgotten as he let the blood flow. The crimson replaced Danny's tears – tears he couldn't cry. As his vision blurred and he waited to pass out, he held onto the memory of the girl he couldn't save.

_Don't even bother," she began. "You don't have a clue what it's like…_

* * *

Jack let the phone ring out impatiently, all they needed was for Danny to pick up to know that a) he was alive and b) be able to trace the call and find him. It was now nightfall – and the team had no leads, weariness taking its toll on the team. Jack kept replaying the events of the previous day in his mind – he had known something wasn't right - why hadn't he acted on it? He should have said something to his agent, made sure he wasn't alone…

* * *

Danny hovered in and out of consciousness, the cold of the evening starting to set into his bones – his body slumped in the driver seat shuddered viciously.

The phone beside him rang and without thinking Danny felt across the seat to find it. He looked at the number dialling but couldn't recognise it – his eyes unable to focus.

"Danny, Danny, you there?" a voice laced with urgency asked through the small speaker.

"Jack?" Danny replied vaguely. "How are you doing mate, sorry bout work today…" he drifted off.

"Danny stay with me – can you tell me where you are?"

"In my car… You know what Jack," Danny began, his mouth uttering whatever came into his head. "You're a great boss, man… I would have fired my ass. Are you firing me?" his words slurred.

"No but I want to see you Danny. Can you tell me where you are?" Jack pressed.

"I'm sticky and cold… I deserve this…"

"Danny what have you done, let us come get you ok?" replied Jack, afraid of the chilling words he had just heard.

No reply came from the other end of the phone. The silence resonated to Jack, striking a fear into his heart that no words could.

"Danny? Danny?"

Sam traced the call to a back road about an hours drive away.

"Ok, we've got him – Sam, you go with Viv. Martin you're coming with me."

The office emptied as the Missing Person's Team hoped they would be bringing home one of their own... not just his body.

* * *

Jack's tense hands gripped the steering wheel.

"Martin, when we get there, you and I will approach Danny first ok? I don't want Sam or Viv finding him if …" Frank's voice trailed off.

"I understand," Martin replied looking out the window, the once comforting lights of the city now chilling him to the bone.

* * *

Parents, brother, workmates, long lost lovers… Ella, he had failed them all. He sat in the car, shirt open, blood everywhere and yet his will for self-destruction was still strong. He didn't want to die though, that would be the easy option out – or was it?

He looked at the blade in his hand and was considering finally ending the pain… finally being free when he saw the headlights of two approaching cars. Without the energy or strength he sat with the seat reclined, eyes closed realising he needed help – someone to save him.

* * *

Jack and Martin approached Danny's car signalling to Sam and Viv to remain behind.

"Danny?" Martin called. He opened the door handle tentatively stepping back in shock at the sight of his friend, pale, shuddering and bloody. Deep lacerations covered Danny's upper body and he had lost a lot of blood.

"Ambulance to our current location pronto!" Jack yelled into his phone before shoving it in his pocket and crouching beside the driver door.

"Danny, can you hear me?" He shook the fragile man gently urging him to open his eyes."

Martin stood motionless before snapping into action, yelling across to Viv and Sam to brink a blanket.

Danny's eyes opened, slowly adjusting to the dim light and the faces peering down at him.

"I deserve it," he muttered.

Jack spotting the bandages discarded on the passenger side floor, raced around the car, opened the door and sat himself in the seat, using the bandages to stop the blood that continued to seep from Danny's wounds.

"I, I'm sorry Jack," Danny whispered. "I should have been able to contain it… I should have been able to hold it in… I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He repeated over and over.

"No I'm sorry Danny," Jack began unable to finish the sentence because he didn't know how.

Sam and Vivian rushed toward the car with flashlight and blanket, gasping with disbelief as they saw Agent Taylor.

"Danny!" Sam grasped his hand, tears glistening in her eyes. She got up, helping Viv get Danny to sit forward so they could wrap the blanket around his shoulders.

Minutes ticked by slowly as they waited for the ambulance, each set of eyes not leaving Danny, their hearts lurching with the sight before them.


	2. Punishment

Hey thanks for reviews. I know it's really dark and such but I guess I am just writing my fantasies... or whatever... I'm really sorry about not being able to devide it into sections... I had astericks in word but when it's uploaded it doesn't seem to work... I'm kinda a bit dumb but you get that. Enjoy.

Danny had suffered from depression since he was a teenager and he spent many of his younger years plagued by the darkness that wouldn't leave him. Some would classify it as a simple case of teen angst but this diagnosis just aggravated Danny further – it was an answer doctors gave for a problem they didn't want to deal with. He knew what he was feeling, he just didn't know why.

He winced as he remembered forgotten words he had written in journals - much like that of Ella's.

_I look around me and I see it, I smell it, I feel it… the pain that has saturated this life of mine, until every last drop has been absorbed by the depths of my soul. _

_It is constantly pressing in on me, grasping at my neck, pulling at my hair and whispering curses into my ears with words that devour. The torment is grading on my sanity - twisting and manipulating me into a person I hardly recognise anymore, a person I don't want to be associated with. _

_Outward: silence while my insides scream – the hurt etched not only upon my heart but my body too – skin scarred, red gashes bleeding: temporary relief._

As he remembered he envisioned a younger him dealing with emotions far beyond his years.

Danny had always felt so intensely, overwhelmed by the self-hate, doubt, fear, sadness and death that seemed to be pumping through his veins. It didn't stop at adolescence either, the same emotions continued to travel with him into adulthood. Some times were better than others, hell some weeks and months he felt genuinely happy, amazed at the beauty of life but the fact was at some stage he would again plummet.

As Danny lay helpless in the car seat, his friends around him, he knew that he had reached a lower depth than ever before and he wasn't sure he could pull himself out.

"Jesus Christ!" Jack swore aloud, flicking his watch face. He didn't think the ambo's could possibly take any longer than they had already. They had been waiting by the car for half an hour, each of them looking up every few minutes in hope to see flashing lights coming toward them. He turned his attention to Danny, the bleeding was under control but Jack was concerned that some of the wounds were getting infected and it was obvious that many needed stitches. He let his mind wander from Danny's physical condition to that of his mental…

"Did you do this because of what happened yesterday with Ella?" he didn't quite know how to pose the question but made sure he probed Danny gently.

"Not really," came the reply.

"What's going on Danny?" Sam urged. "It didn't have to be like this – we are here for you. You mean so much to me Danny," tears ran unashamedly down her otherwise flawless skin.

He flashed a look at her, face expressionless and eyes blank, as if his body was empty.

"You care too much Sam, you all care too much."

He remembered the first time he got blind drunk, using the alcohol to drown out his thoughts and feelings - unfortunately, it was only effective for a while… until he woke the next morning in more emotional turmoil than he had been in the day before. At the time though it seemed worth it, a few hours of his cold existence warmed by the amber liquid and for a few years he lived by that premise until the consequences became all too real…

Danny's childhood friend had attempted suicide and succeeded all because he was too pissed to save him... The memory sparked his need for punishment and Danny reached for the razor, only to find Jack occupying the seat where his 'cure' once lay. He turned away and stared through the windscreen, unable to stop his mind wandering into dangerous territory once again…

The image of Tommy hanging from the ceiling had never left him and the guilt had added to the pain Danny had to deal with. He should have been with Tommy, enjoying an afternoon in front of the footy but he had been slumped over a bar…. If he had been home only hours earlier… if he had only spoken to him… been there to talk him through whatever emotions he was feeling… If only he had been a better friend…


	3. Aftermath

Sorry, I realise that the other ch. 3 was absolute crud that I kinda rushed and such - this is crud too but I hope, to less an extent!

Review puh-lease and I don't mind negative reviews at all - cause I probably deserve them and I wanna know :o)

* * *

Jack watched Danny's chest rise and fall, a sense of sorrow washing over him. He held his agents hand, willing warmth back into Danny's bony fingers. Jack knew of despair… it had been in a car that he had come undone, crashing into the tree… but this was different – Danny hadn't tried to kill himself, just punish.

Jack the psychologist… yeah what a bloody good one he thought to himself, seeing the emptiness in Danny's eyes – feeling the shadow start to descend upon his own shoulders.

Martin sat leaning against the car, head arched toward the sky, holding Sam's hand who sat next to him, her head resting against his shoulder. Vivian had walked out to the road, ready to direct the ambulance when they came.  
Each member of the team were thinking similar thoughts, each person doubting their own abilities – as a friend, and as a detective trained to pay attention, to know when something wasn't right…

……….

He sat up slowly in the hospital bed, every movement causing pain from the wounds on his torso – the pain he did not mind… He cursed himself at his stupidity – at getting so out of hand that he affected people around him. This was to be his secret pain, something he would deal with behind closed doors, yet the inner battle had raged so fiercely – he had tried yet failed to contain it. He was ashamed.

Looking up Danny saw Jack in the corner of the room; the older mans eyes focused on him. Unable to maintain eye contact, Danny turned away and busied himself with the cream wall by his bedside.

"You lost a lot of blood, they stitched you up, the stiches will dissolve when they are ready. You'll have severe scarring but luckily you've done yourself no permanent damage physically as long as the wounds don't get infected." Jack spoke out into the silence.

There was no reaction from Danny so he continued.

"You are being moved to a general ward this afternoon, where they will keep you on suicide watch but due to this being a first incident, you will probably be released as soon as you are physically ready to go." He sighed, he could relay the facts but all he really wanted to do was to hear what was on Danny's mind…

"I'm not staying." Danny said calmly, reaching for the IV that was attached to his arm. "I will see you in the office tomorrow morning. I am sorry for being such an inconvenience but I will make it up to you."

"Danny, there is no way you are leaving this hospital." Jack quickly made his way to the bedside, grabbing Danny's hand firmly in his, stopping him from pulling the drip from his vein. "I will personally make sure you are here until you have fully recovered, and I am not one to go against my word."

Danny looked into Jack's eyes, and found an empathy there he didn't know that he needed... for a second he thought he felt something break. He closed his eyes trying to clear his mind and opened them to find a lone tear streaking down his face.

He slumped back into against the bed closing his eyes momentarily as he felt Jack's grasp on him ease.

"I'm sorry Jack, I didn't mean to affect anyone else – it was to be my own punishment…" he drifted off, letting sleep taking over his depression fatigued body… letting the dreams run rampant once again.

………………

The office was quiet Sam noticed as if for the first time – her thoughts had been on Danny, not her surroundings. She felt numb, the events from the previous day had rocked her world – Danny was such a strong person, he always seemed happy, always helpful. Danny was the joker, the teaser and she missed him, missed him and worried for him like she would a brother. She let out a sigh and nearly jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder, she looked up to see Martin's concerned face looking down upon her.

"He's going to be alright you know," he reassured her, his strong hands kneading her shoulders.

"Physically maybe…," she trailed off leaning her head against Martin's chest.

They remained like that for a few minutes before Jack walked into the office. Martin moved away and they both straightened automatically.

"How is he?" Sam enquired, her eyes locked with Jack's.

Jack returned the gaze before looking away, avoiding eye contact with any of his team – and again, answered with the medical lingo, unable to bring himself to say anything more.

"He lost a lot of blood, and will have severe scarring but luckily he did no permanent muscle damage. Danny will be in for a few days, until he is physically ok to manage at home. The doctors say he is ok for visitors, you won't have long with him though."

"Viv can I see you in my office," Jack added before turning and heading there himself.

………

"How are you holding up Jack?" she questioned, her eyes scanning the face across the desk and noticing the storm within his eyes."

"I'm fine," he replied before pausing, "I knew something wasn't right but I didn't do anything about it… if I had acted on my instincts…"

"Don't do this Jack," Viv interrupted, "You know it is of no use. None of us did anything – I didn't even know anything was wrong apart from the obvious repercussions that would follow the Ella case."

"He's one of ours Viv, he's not a name on a piece of paper we've got to find – I could handle that, I have and will handle that but… Danny..." Jack gushed trying desperately to process his irrational and irregular words into something that made some ounce of sense.

"I know," she replied, understanding her superior completely, his thoughts mirroring hers. "I know."

……………………………


	4. Visting Hours

He held her hand as they walked through the bustling corridor of the hospital, patients, visitors, cleaners and doctors passing them by. Sam's hair brushed against his jacket and he treasured the sensation, giving her hand a squeeze before putting his arm around her waist and drawing her close to his side. Martin drew in a deep breath, guilt haunting him as he realised he was enjoying the walk with Sam to the room in which his good friend lay after nearly cutting himself to death. As if reading his mind, Sam pulled away from Martin and went to ask the nurse where Danny Taylor was.

………………….

The room is quiet for once – the nurse has left him alone, the psychologist has been and gone and he is again alone with his thoughts, with the darkness. He lets his eyes scan his arms, covered with gauze and bandages before lifting the neck of his bed gown and taking in the sight before him – blood soaked bandages cover nearly the whole area of skin. He returns his gaze to the ceiling, he feels empty – there is no other word that could describe it. Empty – a hollow shell. It is such an effort for him to breathe he notices, his body feels like lead and his head full of fog.

…………………..

Sam stood at the doorway and looked into the room, her eyes focused on a pale figure lying upon a stark hospital bed, tubes running from his veins, dark shadows under his eyes and bandages covering his arms. She walked in slowly, wondering what to say to him, and hoping that the words would come to her.

"Danny? Danny, it's me."

He turned his head in the direction of the familiar voice and shuffled so that he faced her.

"Hey Sam, how are you?" he questioned, trying to again hide behind the mask of Danny Taylor that everyone was used to.

"No, how are you Danny?" she asked, trying to read his face.

"I'm ok, food's not that great but you know, that's hospital for you," he tried to joke, a sad smile plastered on his face.

"Danny…" she half winced, "You don't have to pretend anymore."

He looked into her eyes trying to will the haunted look from his own and reached to touch her hand.

"I'm sorry I scared you Sam, I'm sorry you saw me like that… I am going to be fine, really." He turned away, flinching as the sudden movement stretched his wounds, when he turned back to look at her he noticed a tear streaking her face. He hated that he hurt her – it was yet another reminder of how worthless he was.

……

Martin sat on a chair in the lounge, he had convinced Sam to go in by herself, that he would be there in a few minutes, but he wasn't sure he could go in at all. Images of Danny sprawled helpless across the driver seat, his skin covered in his own crimson had scared him – no, more than scared him – terrified him. How could someone do that to themselves he thought to himself – what would bring Danny to the point of dragging blades across his flesh!

Last night, Martin had sat with a kitchen knife held against his own arm – willing himself to press down, to understand but he couldn't, and he didn't understand however hard he tried to get his mind around it.

He stood up slowly, taking in a deep breath, trying to clear his mind. What he did comprehend was that Danny was a good friend, a good friend he almost lost, and he was not going to let that happen, he was not going to lose Danny.

……………….

Uncomfortable silence – Sam was sitting on the edge of his bed, her legs hanging over the edge and she had spent the last five minutes watching them bend and stretch as they swung – as if somehow her black work shoes had suddenly become fascinating.

She arched her neck toward the door as she heard footsteps approaching to see Martin as he lightly rapped his fists against the door frame.

"Hi Martin," Danny greeted him, his voice soft and somewhat unsteady.

"Danny," Martin replied as he pulled up a chair. "How are …"

"I'm ok," Danny sighed. He appreciated them being here yet what he really craved was time alone without awkward conversations and looks of pity.

"You scared us Danny, no you frightened the shit out of me actually. I want to understand – I want to help you" Martin spoke truthfully.

"I don't need your help," he whispered, whilst wanting to scream the words instead.

Danny closed his eyes, blocking out the faces looking down upon him, trying to calm the mounting surge of emotion that was beginning to wash upon him and trying to stop his mind from spinning.

A nurse bustled into the room, walked to the end of the bed taking a look at the chart she held in her hands.

"Maybe that's enough for today," the nurse said, after glancing at her patient to find him with his eyes closed and body tensed. She smiled at the two visitors as they stood nodding.

"We'll see you tomorrow," Martin said, lightly touching Danny on the shoulder.

He nodded, forcing a grim smile grace his face as Sam bent and kissed him on the cheek.

"Tomorrow…" Danny said to himself. How he was looking forward to another day…


	5. Unburdening

It has been a while, a long while. I am sorry. I have not been so good myself. I hope this is ok. Please tell me any thoughts, suggestions.

Thank you.

………………………………………………………………………………….

Nurse Hallodine stepped into the hospital room occupied by patient Danny Taylor as part of her night shift rounds. The patients' eyes were closed and his breathing was deep but his pupils constantly quivered suggesting restlessness and traumatic dreaming. Leaning herself against the bedside chair, the nurse allowed her eyes to explore Mr Taylor – covered in bloodstained bandages, connected to IV and BP machines and pale as a ghost. Her gaze trained to discern injuries and physical ails found itself also noticing the haunted look about the man and a vulnerability he seemed to emit. Sighing, Nurse Hallodine took the chart from the end of Mr Taylor's bed and after writing down some notes turned for the door… she hesitated as she reached the entrance, glancing back and wondering what had happened to him.

…………………………………………………………………

'Hey little bro,' a youthful Raphie exclaimed before roughing up the young boys hair and dropping himself down onto the bed.

Danny looked up into his brothers eyes – they were red rimmed from crying, a bruise was forming on his jaw and there were red marks around his neck. Danny had been crying too but not for the same reason – no, he had been crying because it should have been him that his father had hit – Danny was the one who knocked over the vase – the one that had belonged to his father's mother. Danny knew that the yelps coming from outside the back door were meant to be his own.

'Hey, it's ok Danny,' the bruised brother began – 'it's nothing see,' he said, pulling a funny face.

"Yeah," the younger brother replied turning his head away from Raphie's and clenching his fists in self disgust. "I am nothing," his mind told him.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

He was falling backwards. The solidarity of the concrete roof no longer beneath his feet, instead with arms spread wide like the wings of eagles behind him, he plummed to his death, to eternity….. The ground caught him and pain shot through his arms, his chest and torso… but nothing else seems to happen… he waits… and waits – but eternity doesn't seem to come. Confused, his eyes open and he finds himself lying on a linoleum floor, a hospital bed to his right and a beeping machine lying on the floor to his left. He feels his cheeks flush at the embarrassment – he can't even lie in a bed straight. Now the nurses will come and fuss over his broken body, broken stitches will be restitched and he will wallow in his self worthlessness.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

'Visitors for you,' the nurse exclaimed after she softly rapped her knuckles against the wooden door frame. As she turns to leave, two people enter the quiet room.

'Oh look at you…' escaped from Vivian's mouth as she neared him and placed a hand on Danny's cheek.

'How are they treating you Danny?' Jack asked arms crossed in front of his chest and brow furrowed in genuine concern.

He nodded, 'Fine… they're treating me fine…'

'So they should be, you are a very important person to many people you know,' smiled Vivian.

Danny blushed. He didn't think so, but he did love his co-workers like he would assume a family was supposed to feel love for each other. He cursed himself, but he had let them down too – just like how he had let down his mother, his brother and Ella Simmonds.

'I think you overestimate my worth…' he half-whispered, half whimpered.

At first he didn't realise the words were actually coming out of his mouth – it wasn't until he, as if in some far away place watched the reactions of two people in the room as a stranger lying in a hospital bed spoke in a rush, telling them how he was a failure, how he was scared he would be miserable forever, how he wished for his life to end, how he read Ella's journals and ached for he had seen those words before – they were like his own. Danny's lips continued to move, their parting coordinated with the sounds coming from his voice box which it turn, created syllables and words and sentences. In that hospital room Jack and Viv were witness to the hurt behind a man, they at last saw the exterior stripped back to find a Danny plagued with darkness, torn by self doubts and lack of self worth and confusion that before the happenings of the last few days had not been evident.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Jack listened to the words that were filtering through his ears and making connections within his mind. He could feel the hurt, he could see the pain and he could hear the vulnerability in the young officer's voice. Jack was glad however… glad that this moment of unburdening had finally come.


	6. Going to be ok

Another lame excuse for a chapter... sorry guys. Don't know whether this is the end or not.

'Shit,' he swore with a vulgarity that was directed toward himself. What an idiot he was!

Danny cradled his head in his hands, digging fingernails into his scalp. What had he done! What the hell had he done! He knew things would never be the same again, he could never be the same person around Viv or Jack…

'What was I thinking?' he mumbled removing his hands from his head and running the tips of his fingers along the bandages on his left arm. He felt the puckered skin and the hard stitches beneath the dressings… it wasn't right. It was unnatural how the foreign objects held his skin together – he wanted to feel human, he wanted to feel normal, he wanted to feel alive. In this room, lying in this bed, his body constrained by thick bandages and his whole existence monitored by machines… this wasn't what it meant to be alive, to be real. He felt like a man in a bubble – a stark white bubble that refused to pop and let him breathe the outside air…

Danny's breathing increased, and miniscule droplets of perspiration began to form on his pale skin. Panic was setting in. His mind drifted back and forwards… from thinking about the stitches in his body, to the conversation he had just had with his boss and co-worker… He didn't know what to do, he felt like the room was spinning, and images flashed through his mind.

Arm bloody, rivers red gushing down.

Vivian holding his hand, her brown eyes looking into his…

Dirty metal in his body, holding back the purity of his lifeblood…

The quiet but supportive Jack telling him that he was there for him…

The letdowns…

The betrayals…

Inadequacy…

The need for release…

Raphie black and blue…

Punishment…

Killing his mother in that car…

Crimson rivers…

Tommy's lifeless body hanging from the ceiling…

Release

Ella kissing him goodbye… killing herself

Slash

Slash

Slash

The look on Martins face when he found him

Let down

The Nurse walked in to the hospital room to find her patient shaking profusely. The sheet was discarded at the bottom of the bed, his knees were to his chest and the bandages on his left arm had been ripped off – blood dripped from the patients arm, staining the sheets and pooling on the floor. She walked up to Mr Taylor and put her hand on his shoulder – he didn't seem to be aware of what he was doing, instead it appeared that his mind was in another place – some horrid place. In order to bring him back, back to reality, back to now, she began rubbing his back in slow circles.

'Danny, Danny it's ok, I'm here Danny. Can you squeeze my hand for me please? That's it.'

He looked at her still dazed, squeezing her hand with his right. Things began to come into focus around him, and he noticed a terrible pain in his left arm.

'Good Danny, welcome back, I'm just going to get the doctor to stitch up this arm for you ok,' the nurse spoke soothingly.

He looked to his arm and winced….

'I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.'

'Danny!' Sam exclaimed walking into the room with a bunch of flowers which she dropped at the sight of her friend….

'Why don't we talk outside?' the nurse took Sam's arm and guided her back through the doorway briskly.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Sam dialled Jack, she didn't know whether Danny would want her to, but she knew something had gone on when he and Viv had visited earlier. They had returned to the office quiet as mice and spent the rest of the morning shooting each other knowing glances.

'Malone.'

'Jack, it's me, Sam.'

'What's going on?'

'It's Danny... the nurse said he's gone into some kind of shock and has reopened his stitches… he's a mess Jack… What happened when you came earlier?' she questioned.

'I hoped this wouldn't happen,' Jack began, 'He… just told us some things Sam… I can't disclose anything but… just be with him Sam, he needs a friendly face right now.'

'There's no way I'm leaving his side anytime soon,' Sam spoke – her voice laced with fear and concern. 'I'll, I'll uh talk to you later Jack.'

'If anything happens…' he began.

'I'll call you.'

She clicked her phone off and walked back into Danny's room, pulling the visitors chair closer to his bedside and taking his quivering hand between hers.

'Hey,' she smiled, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

He looked up at her and smiled a small smile.

'I… I'm a bit messed up Sam,' he squeezed her hand.

'Yeah I know Danny, but you are going to be ok,' Sam reassured as she leant over and kissed him on the cheek.

He closed his eyes and smiled. He was going to be ok – it might take a while… but he would get there.

'Thanks Sam.'

'What for?' she asked.

'Thanks for giving me hope – you all do, you, Martin, Jack… Viv… I wouldn't be here without you…' he trailed off.


	7. Fixed

It had been three months – three long months since Danny had stepped into the Missing Persons Office so it was with caution and uncertainty that he exited the elevator and made his way through the building and to his desk. As he made the journey to where he had last sat leafing through the journals of a young Ella Simmonds he noticed the turning of heads and over-enthusiastic smiles and pats of the shoulder he received from people, many of which he had never known very well.

It didn't worry him, it probably would have irked the Danny Taylor who was here three months ago, but it didn't worry the man who faced the office today. Hell he thought – it was good that they had noticed his absence.

Sitting at his old desk he swivelled the chair around, doing a three-sixty before putting his hands on the 'quality' FBI furniture. He looked straight ahead taking a deep breath and closed his eyes thinking of the last time he was here and the events that had followed. It was all in the past, he told himself subconsciously running his fingers along his arm, feeling the raised scars from beneath his shirt.

'Hey you,' Vivian came up beside Danny who had momentarily spaced out, readying himself for his return to work.

'Viv,' he smiled, 'Good to see you!'

'Not as good as it is to see you back Danny,' she fluffed up his hair. '… and if you ever need to talk…'

'I know,' he interrupted – 'Really Viv, I'm fine…'

'Ok, well the offers always there,' she replied, a warm smile on her face before heading to her desk with a folder full of files.

'What's the case?' he asked.

'The case,' interrupted Jack who had walked up behind him, 'involves finding a missing girl, uh Jackie Stounder, 17 years of age last seen 24 hours ago on her way to school.' He put his hand on his officers' shoulder, 'Good to have you back Danny.'

'Uh thanks Jack, sorry I wasn't back sooner.'

Jack ignored the comment and instead put a folder on Danny's desk, a folder filled with printed out emails from the girls' computer.

'I want you to check these and notify me of anything of importance.'

'Sure,' Danny replied casting his eyes toward the pile of print outs and anticipating hours of continuous reading – he knew Jack would be keeping an eye on him, everyone would, and he knew that any chances of interesting, be it strenuous or any work out of the office would be slim.

'Martin and Sam are interviewing Jackie's friends, and Vivian…,' he whirled around to face her, '… is coming with me to speak to the parents,' he continued raising his eyebrow at Viv in a questioning way as he realised that the team would be leaving Danny alone in the office.

'Well you two go have fun, and don't take sweets from strangers,' Danny tried to joke noticing the tension… 'I have plenty to keep me distracted for a while,' he nodded toward the pile.

'Right,' Jack mumbled, 'Uh… I'll call with more information…'

'I know you will,' Danny replied cursing his 'slip up' three months ago that had apparently demoted him to the office's babysitting. He was however, deep down touched that they cared.


	8. Coincidence?

_Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing... I really appreciate it. So.. another chapter... another few hundred words of escapism for me. Hope you like it... _

Rubbing his eyes and blinking Danny tried to fight away the boredom and tiredness that had been creeping up on him after only an hour of reading through emails. The emails seemed harmless enough – he had been able to notify the team as to who her friends seemed to be so Martin and Sam could be sure not to miss interviewing anyone.

He continued to flick through the black ink printouts – she had emails from cousins and friends with the odd band fan mail message. She always came across happy enough in her emails and leafing through the pages Danny couldn't seem to find anything too out of the ordinary… wait... He stopped to read an email from an online blog confirming registration details. This just might be what we're looking for, Danny thought to himself as he scribbled down the details of her account with Livejournal a web based diary site, her username being wiltedbutterfly.

Swivelling around he faced the computer, accessed the internet and typed the address into the search bar, seconds later he was faced with a screen with a black background with white writing in the foreground whilst in the right hand corner of the page there was a small picture of a gothic looking girl with mascara tear stains running down her face. Taking all of this in, Danny scrolled down to the latest entry and began to read, his mind drifting to the last time he read a girls journal.

_The hours pass as I sit in silence watching the world around me wishing that I was still a part of it… but I am not, not anymore – was I ever? ..._

Jack sighed deeply, this case was frustrating – for a start, the teachers didn't seem to even know the kid existed – she was just a name on the attendance roll to them and nothing more and it pissed him off. From what he was learning about Jackie she was an intelligent girl, a girl with a sense of humour, and a girl who deserved so much more attention from those around her.

'Jackie,' his lips mouthed her name – the feminine version of his own. Opening the car door he paused before flipping open his phone…

'Danny it's me… tell me you've got something…'

Danny's eyes were glued to the computer screen as he scrolled through entries upon entries that Jackie had updated onto this internet site detailing what had been going on in her life, most notably her entries were about how she felt… her feelings often not positive ones. He noticed that each new update seemed more negative than the last, her words bleak and morbid betraying her desperation, vulnerability and fear.

He rubbed his temples, about to call in to tell his superior of his findings but stopped when a new entry appeared on the blog…

_23rd March 2006 2:53pm_

_I'm at the Library saying my final goodbyes to the place that always embraced me, the place that never judged me, never made me pretend to be someone that I'm not. _

_I've left a note in the last book I borrowed… maybe someone will find it, maybe I will be remembered in some remote and obscure way… or not… I am kind of past caring anyway. _

_I should keep this short otherwise I will want to type forever… in some ways I want to get every last thought out… I want every last syllable that is swimming around my head to be released… _

_This entry is taking too long… if I prolong it any more the moment will have passed… _

_I have said my last goodbyes…time for me to go now for good. _

_You will find my remains at Lankston Park floating in the river marbled with crimson, my crimson. It will be beautiful it will be my end. _

_If anyone reads this… I hope life is kind to you… kinder than it was to me. _

_Jack… _

Danny continued to stare at the screen despite having already finished reading Jackie's latest entry. He could hardly fathom the words that had just been devoured by his mind… it hardly seemed coincidental that his first case after returning from work would mirror the last case he worked before he left… the case that helped trigger his spiral to destruction.

The vibration of his cell phone against the desk snapped him away from his thoughts…

'Taylor', Danny answered in the professional FBI way that had no room for polite 'hello's' or 'how do you do's'.

'Danny it's me… tell me you've got something…'


	9. Got something

'Meet me at Lankston Park.' Danny got straight to the point.

'Why, what's going on?'

'There isn't enough time to explain… but she should be there and we have to hurry…'

'You should stay at the office, I will get Martin to meet me there,'

'No!' Danny replied sternly… almost too sternly, 'Look, I am already on my way,' he lied… 'I am fine Jack… just meet me at Lankston Park pronto.' He hit 'end call' not letting Jack argue about the issue any longer. Part of him felt guilty for lying… and for manipulating the situation but it was the only way – the only way that he could make sure Jackie would be ok…

So many thoughts rushed through his mind as he drove to the park – there were doubts, memories, plans, expectations, and fear but none of these thoughts were actually getting through to his consciousness – with all of them pressing in on him, there wasn't enough space or time for any to get through. Instead, he concentrated on the road, his conscious thoughts locked on the destination in which he was headed to.

Indicating left to enter the exit lane that led to Lankston Danny hoped he would arrive at the scene before Jack did – even just 10 minutes before his superior would give him a chance to establish a connection with Jackie – a chance for her to continue to help her… that was assuming he could connect with her, that she wanted to be helped… that he was strong enough and would find the words to say to her…..

Jack reached forward to the phone that was sitting in the hands-free holder and dialled Viv without taking his eyes off the road once.

'Hi Jack,' she answered recognising her superiors number.

'Viv, hi,' he replied … 'Are you busy?'

'Not if I am needed somewhere else,' she mouthed a thanks for your time to the Stounder's next door neighbour she had been talking to, stood up and draped her jacket over her arm and headed toward the door.

'Great… I need you to meet Danny and myself at Lanskton Park, it's highly likely Miss Stounder will be there.'

She paused… 'Um Jack, is Danny up to this?' she questioned out of concern for Taylor who she treasured like a son…

'He didn't give me much choice, he knows the details… quite frankly I'm in the dark on this one,' he admitted grudgingly. 'All we can do for now is to get there as quickly as possible.'

'I can be there in 15.'

He pulled up in a car park marked out by wooden rails taking a minute to scan over his surroundings. Jack hadn't arrived yet for which he was grateful but he didn't know how much time he would have until he did and… when Jack did arrive, he anticipated his superior to pull him back and leave the 'rescuing' to someone else…

He got out of his car taking his gun from its holster and leaving it in the glove box; he also took off his jacket and sunglasses putting them on the seat. He knew there was no room for a mistake, he did not want Jackie to see him as a cold uncaring FBI agent just doing his job like Ella Simmonds had… he also knew that Jack was going to kill him when he realised he was unarmed. He could handle Jacks anger but he could not handle another teenager lost to suicide before her time…

On his way to the park Jack went over the information he had on the latest case, trying to piece together the situation. He was angry at Danny for putting him in such a situation, he didn't know what to expect when he arrived at Lankston and more importantly he hadn't had time to assess how his officer really was and if he was up to work at all yet. Jack cursed himself for allowing his eagerness in solving the case come before the team. He made a mental note to have a long talk to Taylor as soon as the opportunity presented itself.

'Thinking of mental notes,' he said aloud to himself as he dialled Sam – he had completely forgotten to inform Sam and Martin about the current circumstances.

After closing the car door behind him he walked up to the park's signboard which read, '_Lankston River 1.2km ' _Without wasting any time he headed along the path at a brisk jog wanting to get to Jackie as soon as he could.


	10. Live

She wasn't so sure anymore, the image in her mind had been perfect – the perfect ending to an ordinary life, there was to be beauty in her breakdown… She took a shaky breath, she felt like the world was spinning.

"Concentrate," she sternly reprimanded herself.

She sat by the water leaning against a beautiful old tree with her knees pulled to her chest. Her nervous fingers rummaged through the bag by her side until they found what they were looking for. Encased within her hand was a small white plastic box, she slid the cover off to reveal the blades encased in paper sleeves within.

"This is it," she told herself, the three words becoming a mantra as she slid the first razor from the box.

She held it between her fingers and placed it against the pale white skin of her naked wrist, closing her eyes and holding her breath she slashed the metal across her skin…

* * *

He approached another sign – _'Lankston River 300m'_ and took the bend at speed, not feeling the sweat that trickled down his back.

He could see the glimpses of a translucent blue surface poking between the bushes in front of him and within seconds he was standing on the bank of the river hurriedly glancing for the any sign of Jackie's presence.

Looking up and down the riverbank he scanned but nothing seemed out of place. He refrained from calling out the girls name fearing that he would only alarm her and make her more determined not to be found. Thoughts ran through his mind, was he too late? Had he failed another… just as he was getting frantic he noticed a trail of stepping stones that made their way across the flowing water. In haste he navigated his way across the slippery rocks and found himself on the opposite side of the bank. Eyes trained to notice the small details picked up on a small badge that lay on the ground a few metres before him. He bent down to pick it up, before putting it in his pocket and moving toward a large tree to his left, its thick roots supporting the bank. As he approached the tree he heard small sobs, the sound making a lump form in his own throat.

"Jackie, is that you?" he questioned in a compassionate voice.

He waited for an answer whilst he slowly approached the form he could now make out leaning against the tree trunk, her back towards him.

Danny made his way to Jackie, stopping as he rounded the tree and crouched before her. The first thing he noticed was she had cut her left wrist and blood was quickly pooling, flowing onto her jeans and dripping to the ground. She looked at him weakly, her tear stained face showing hopelessness.

"Hey," he started, "I've been looking for you Jackie, you've had me so worried. I'm Danny Taylor of the Missing Persons Unit, FBI…" He paused, taking in the situation before continuing, "I'm here to help you Jackie, you can trust me."

She looked up from where her gaze had fallen on the droplets of blood running down her arm.

"This wasn't how it was supposed to happen," she thought to herself… tears began to form in the corners of her eyes…

"Why can't I do anything right," she muttered unaware that she had said it aloud.

Danny not wanting to embarrass the girl before him didn't mention what she had said but instead waited to see if she would say anything more, taking into account that while he couldn't rush her, he didn't have too much time.

"Why are you bothering with me?" she asked, blinking the tears away.

"It's my job to look for people, for people who have lost their way, who are in trouble, who are hurting… I like my job, I care about the people I look for – I care about what happens to you…" he answered sincerely.

"Well I am fine thank you, enjoy your life Danny Taylor, but I'm afraid I am beyond your help, I have an appointment with fate…" she trailed off.

"You aren't beyond help," he urged, looking into her eyes, trying to get through to the girl somewhere in there who wanted to live.

"What would you know," she spat, "…you with your cushy FBI job that gives you a nice pay cheque and also lets you feel like you serve an important purpose."

He ignored her outburst and decided on a different approach.

"I know what it's like to want to die Jackie, I know what it's like to hurt, to believe that you are worthless. I know what is like to lose control…" he moved closer to her small frame and took her hand, glad when she didn't pull away

"I know right now the hardest thing to believe is that is going to be ok, that you can make it through this, that there is happiness for you and that you deserve it," Danny urged, the words coming from deep within.

"Is that what they train you to say?" Jackie questioned, though there was a slight softening in her eyes.

Danny took a deep breath before gently letting go of her hand, unbuttoning his sleeve and rolling it up to reveal the angry red raised scars that marred his skin. He took a moment before looking to see her reaction and when he did he was surprised to see fresh tears tracing their way down her cheeks. This time it was her who reached for his hand.

"I wasn't sure about going through with this," she admitted. "Part of me wants to live but I don't know how. I am not as strong as you are…" she trailed off.

"You are every bit as strong as me," he urged, squeezing her hand as he did so. "Will you let me help you, I believe in you Jackie, I know you can live."

She let out a stifled sob as he took her into his arms, wanting to protect her, wanting to take away the pain she felt as tears and blood wet his shoulder.

Danny pulled back, looking at Jackie before asking her if he could look at her wrist. She showed him her arm, looking away as she did so.

* * *

"Malone," Jack answered, as he pulled into the Lankston Park car park.

"Jack, it's me," Danny replied noticing the tension in his boss' voice.

"What's the situation Danny?"

"I need an ambulance. I am with Jackie, when you get to park, follow the sign to the river, you will see some stepping stones, follow them and when you reach the bank turn right, you will see us."

"What condition is she in?" Jack asks, hoping it is the girl who needs the ambulance and hoping that while Danny may be physically ok that he is also stable mentally.

"She has used a razor blade to slit one of her wrists, I am applying pressure but she is losing a fair amount of blood. She will be ok, but the sooner we get her looked at and safe, the better."

"Right, I have just pulled in to the park now, I'll wait for the ambulance and will come as soon as I can," he said as he noticed Viv's car pulling in behind him.

"Ok," Danny replied, hoping that things were going to turn out ok.

"Danny, wait, Viv's jus arrived so I'm on my way now," Jack said, getting out of the car as he did so.


	11. The Rescue

Jack was slightly out of breath when he reached the river but he didn't let himself rest, instead he pushed on, scanning surface of the water for the stepping stones Danny mentioned. Within seconds of finding them, he was making his way across the river eager to get to the victim… but more eager to ascertain the situation, in particularly Danny's situation.

He had informed Viv of the situation, she was ready to guide the destination. Martin and Sam were at the office after being assured everything was under control. J

Jack was now across the river, making his way along the bank to the right as directed. He paused for a second as he approached the tree calming himself and making sure his work manner was in tact.

He rounded approached the tree, making a wide angled right turn so that he could see Danny, and Jackie but she couldn't see him. Making eye contact with his younger officer, he mouthed an, "Ok to approach?"

Danny shook his head once, before turning to the girl infront of him.

"Jackie, a co-worker of mine is here, is it ok if he approaches? We want to get you the help you need ok?"

Exhausted physically and emotionally, all she managed was a nod of the head. Jack saw this movement and approached, squatting beside Danny's seated frame taking in the condition of the teenager before looking at Danny right in the eyes trying to get a sense of how he was doing.

Danny held Jack's gaze, he knew what his boss was doing and instead of being frustrated, he was grateful – grateful that the man cared so much in his round about kind of way.

"I think we should carry Jackie back to the car park, the ambo's would have a hard job getting their gear across those slippery stepping stones and it will only take longer," Danny said to Jack.

Jack agreed, noticing for the first time the hold Jackie had on his younger officers hand – Danny had established a connection with this girl and from the look of the blood soaked material torn from Danny's work shirt, he was glad. He also noticed, as he was looking at Danny, with blood over his shirt, that his sleeve was pushed up revealing the scars beneath. Jack remembered the day they found him sitting in his car, every day he was so thankful that they hadn't been too late.

Danny carried her in his arms as she clutched his neck with her right arm, her left lay lying limply in her lap. He was treasured her warmth as he made the 1.2km walk… so grateful that she was alive, that she would see another day.

He thought back to the day that he fell apart, to the day when so many things changed… "You're going to be ok," he reassured Jackie, whispering it over and over, rubbing her back with his hand.

* * *

Vivian sat in the car in front of the trail entrance waiting nervously. She always hated when Jack assigned her to do the waiting and watching and this case was no different, in fact she was quite anxious…. Danny was back at work so she hoped he was ok, but a case like this… it could shake anyone up. She looked down at the clock in the car watching as the minutes ticked by… sighing heavily.

A while passed before she looked up and when she did she was met with the sight of Danny carrying a young teenage girl – Jackie Stounder, in his arms with Jack by his side. She swiftly got out of the car, pushed her seat forward and opened the back door before looking to the approaching Danny, her gaze met with a smile from the young officer. His smile said so much, and at once, Viv relaxed.

* * *

She sat on the stretcher propped up by pillows, an ambulance officer attending to her wrist, while another was checking her vital signs. She felt so incredibly empty and exhausted but she noted she also felt grateful. Jackie looked around for the man who had come to her, come when she thought nobody would. She spotted him leaning against his car, looking at her, their eyes connected and Jackie mouthed the words, "thank you," as a lone tear traced the contour of her cheek. The man smiled at her, walked over and told her she was more than welcome before handing her a card with his number on it, "Just in case you need finding," he said. 


	12. Finale

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, I really appreciate every comment I received.

Springal – thanks for the feedback on my proof-reading… I agree it's pathetic, my apologies, sorry it offended you so much. I guess I could have done worse, the first chapter was nearly 5,000 words but you're right it's really bad. Frank Jack, sorry for the Freudian slip. Oh and for the record I am Australian and 'recognize' is spelt recognise here… but I'm sure you knew that.

* * *

Sam and Martin were sitting on top of their desks facing the door as Jack, Viv and Danny arrived back at the office. The two who had remained in the office each had a coffee in their hands, three cups filled with the strong black liquid sat between them made the way their co-workers liked them and just cooled enough to be able to drink. Sam handed the coffee's out receiving smiles of gratitude from the others as each bought a chair over and settled down with a sigh of relief. Martin glanced across at Sam who returned his gaze before piping up, "So, what happened out there?"

It took a while for anyone to reply, Sam noticed Jack's weary body language as he sat drinking greedily from the cup of coffee. Vivian seemed content, glad that the girl had been found, there was a smile behind her eyes somewhere Sam noted.

Danny got up from the chair he was seated on, and, clutching his warm coffee cup in his hand strolled over to the window staring out upon the city below. He turned around to his colleagues before speaking softly.

"I arrived first, before Jack and Viv. Jackie was leaning against a tree on the opposite side of the river, she had cut one of her wrists. Luckily I was able to talk to her…" he trailed off.

"You did a good job Danny," Jack spoke out interrupting the brief silence – it was like the whole building had gone quiet and it was just Jack's Missing Person's Unit sitting together drinking coffee and debriefing that dared breathe.

"Yeah," Danny started unsure how he would say what he needed to say next.

"I'm so sorry about what I have put you guys through lately, all of you… I don't know what I would have done if it had been me finding one of you in a car in the condition that you found me in… I am so grateful…"

Sam smiled as she got up and walked toward Danny. He faced the window again, and she embraced him from behind.

"We care about you Danny – you have nothing to be sorry for and we are always going to be here," she said softly.

Sam was joined by the rest of the team, who each laid a hand upon Danny.

"Yeah, we're here for you man just like you're here for us," Martin quipped scruffing up Danny's hair as he did so.

"I'm also here to pull you into line," Jack added. "I noticed you weren't armed when you approached Jackie today, lucky for you I'm in a good mood," he added.

Danny looked at the people who surrounded him overwhelmed by emotion. He was one of the luckiest guys alive he realised.

The phone rang shrilly breaking up the group of officers, Vivian answered it in her standard FBI tone.

"Jack, there's information on a new case being faxed through from head office."

He walked over to the machine picking up the sheets that were still warm from the printer – he took one last look at his officers and as he did so, he felt no bad vibes, no gut instincts. Instead, he felt lucky, lucky to be having the opportunity of working with the best in a job that requires the best. He took a glance at the printed picture of the newest missing person – a middle aged Negro woman looked up at him.

"Right, we have 42 year old Allison Denise, last seen…"


End file.
